Why does the relationship end?

[Дмитрий Буланов]

Imbalance
Psychologist's notes

Who is this article for? ​

This article is for those who have ended their relationship and want to understand why (Imbalance is the most common reason for breaking up), for those people who have heard the phrase, "You are a very nice guy, however we'd better stay friends", for those people who are in a relationship now and feel that something is going wrong... for those people who are trying their best in a relationship, who do everything for their partner but get no response, or for those who feel that they are a back-up for their partners.​

What is imbalance? ​

An imbalance is a condition where one person wants a relationship and the other doesn't. There is no, trust, craving, love, or tenderness in imbalance. There is only violence... for both partners. Let's have a look at why this happens.


In relationships, both partners have signs: "-" or "+". These signs may change in different scenarios. This makes it easier to explain your partner's behaviour. Imbalance happens when one partner has the “-” sign and the other has the “+” sign.​

Behaviour "-"

The ‘minus’ sign cannot support itself; its control has shifted onto the partner. If someone has the minus sign in their behaviour, they have lost their autonomy, are very focused on their partner, giving more and more to the relationship. Their personal boundaries are more than open; they are generally in a jelly-state. The minus wants to get from their partner what their partner doesn’t want to give. The minus puts the responsibility of maintaining their positive psychological state onto the plus and places unrealistic expectations on them. If the plus tries to create distance between them, the minus tries to reduce this distance, and fulfils more and more conditions, wishes, and requirements in order to maintain closeness. Minuses are very alarming. They constantly try to control their partners, they are jealous, and they do things like ask five times a day where partners are, who they are with, and when they will be back home.​

Behaviour "+"

The ‘plus’ sign emotionally and physically closes off from the minus. They feel that their freedom has been taken away or been restricted, they got on one's nerves, or their mind has been blown up. Plus needs freedom. They want to go about their life without close attention or attempts to control them from the minus. Plus feels responsible for the fact that minus does not feel well, so plus tries to maintain the relationship by setting more and more requirements and conditions.​

An imbalance in romantic relationships occurs when you think that your partner is the best possible option for you, but he does not consider you that way for himself. With an imbalance, one partner experiences stress as a result of the fact that their dependence is much greater than that of their partner. So, they do not feel in control of the situation. Instead, they feel helplessness and instability. They constantly want more than they get.